A Perfect Mess Type

Today, I was so shame and kinda felt like embarrased because when my friend came to my dorm room, my room still in mess though I had tidied it up. It still looked mess. I don’t know why, but the mess is like tied up with me and I can’t leave it. I just realize that matter tonight. When I see all around my room and I couldn’t believe to what I see.. I felt so weird and unusual. My room is quite clean and no things or stuffs spread around everywhere. I thought, “I must be crazy! This room isn’t mine.” I felt like the tears will come out and my heart says,”It’s not the way I see usually.” Well, I know I should be happier when seeing my room is clean and organized, but it seems like I lost myself and me. This matter also almost made me cry. Because my friend surprised, and maybe unhappy whe she found out her friend’s room was so mess, and–I assumed she told my friend too about this–though they talked about this quietly, but I can hear it and guess it. It’s quite made me mad and hurt, well, I know that’s my fault having a mess room and didn’t like to tidied up, but it wouldn’t be nice talking someone behind them. I know I am too sensitive. Sorry. 😦

Well, anyway, that’s not the point at all. The point is I can’t have my room looks so tidy and organized. I do want to have a clean, tidy and organized room, but when I almost got it, I felt unhappy. I think I have a heritage Sanguine type especially the negative ones.. This is so bad but I can’t help it. I wanna try to change this stupid characteristics… I hope I can do it…  But for now, I think a perfect mess still ‘good’ to me since I can still find my things and it’s helping me memorizing..hahaha… lol.. 😀